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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633541">Rot</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyungmi/pseuds/gyungmi'>gyungmi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Amputation, Anal Sex, Angst, Attempted Murder, Force-Feeding, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Oral Sex, Paranoia, Sick Character, Vomiting, teeth pulling, vomit eating, zombie fucking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:07:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633541</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyungmi/pseuds/gyungmi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hyunjin’s eyes are half foggy and half lost, but the way his fingers knot themselves into the fabric of the younger’s nightshirt has Seungmin feeling delighted. He may be wasting away, but this is still his Hyunjin. </p><p>“Recognize me baby?” Seungmin coos, and Hyunjin just dumbly clings to him in response, “I’m going to help you up now, so don’t be scared.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Before reading, please be sure to thoroughly read the tags! There are themes in this story that could be potentially triggering for some readers. As always, this is a work of fiction and should be treated as such. Nothing written here is a reflection of the real life members, they're just serving as characters in a story.</p><p>With all of that being said, enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Are you still with me, Hyunjin?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Something had gone wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Seungmin knew from the moment he caught sight of Changbin through the upstairs window, running faster than he ever had before as he retreated into the safehouse. Hyunjin’s body was hanging limp from Changbin’s back, his long legs dragging in the dirt below. Chan wasn’t too far behind them.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyunjin. I really need you to answer me if you’re still with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><span>There was no response. Felix was watching the entire scene cautiously from a distance, his legs shuffling awkwardly as he debated whether he should step forward or not. Hyunjin was his friend. Hyunjin was family</span> <span>to him. Still, Felix didn’t jump into action. He felt something ugly fester in his gut at his reluctance to help. Seungmin, however, stepped into the middle of the commotion without hesitancy. </span></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Changbin was already rolling up one of the cuffs of Hyunjin’s jeans, exposing the unsightly bite mark on his ankle. It was bloody. Fresh. Definitely infected. “Is it too late to help him? What if we amputated it?” Changbin asked frantically, unable to control the shakiness of his voice. This was a worst case scenario, something from a nightmare Felix would wake up in the middle of the night crying about.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that will work,” Chan shook his head while his eyes nervously flickered back and forth between Changbin, Seungmin, and the wound on Hyunjin’s leg. Back and forth, back and forth. Apprehensive and unsure. His eyes finally settled on Seungmin. Chan was a planner and a problem-solver, and everyone at the safehouse counted on his reliable nature. Seeing Chan shaken like this was new. It was frightening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was this something they could fix?</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t... what should we do, Seungmin?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin had never been put in the hot seat like this before. He never called the shots, that was Chan’s role amongst their little mismatched group. Changbin and Hyunjin teamed up to gather food and supplies. Felix was their look out. Seungmin was their nurse. He had been slaving his way through his first year in medical school when the world went to shit. He had some healthcare knowledge, but he was no doctor. Making a decision that could either save or end Hyunjin’s life was horrifying, but pitying himself in this situation wasn’t progressive. They were pressed for time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Help me carry him to the bathroom,” Seungmin decided. There was only one option left. He looked to Changbin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to amputate it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They moved quickly. Hyunjin didn’t stir when they transported him into the bathtub or when Seungmin climbed inside with him. His eyelids only fluttered when he felt the glass rim of a bottle pressing up against his lips, and when some acrid room temperature liquid left a burning trail down his throat as he swallowed. He whined confusedly and spit the alcohol down his chin, but Seungmin’s gentle voice cut through the cloud of confusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need you to drink up, okay Jinnie?” Hyunjin heard his boyfriend insist. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw Seungmin’s pinched face through his spotty vision. He looked sad. Why did he look so sad?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got bit, Hyunjin. It looks… I think it might be infected,” Seungmin carried on, breaking their eye contact and instead concentrating on the mutilated ankle. It was then that Hyunjin noticed the cleaver that Seungmin was wielding. The bottle of tequila was tipped to the ceiling and he was forced to take more swallows of the foul-tasting liquid. He suddenly pieced together what was happening, it was something that they had all discussed extensively if one of them was to get bitten: Get them drunk. Gag. Restrain. Amputate. Hyunjin began to squirm as he felt a washcloth being shoved into his mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Chan, Changbin… I need you to hold him down while I do this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin didn’t thrash around too wildly once Seungmin began to saw through the bone, too inebriated from the fog of drunkenness to fight back the way his body was screaming at him to. But he still shrieked through the cloth makeshift gag, his cries for help falling on deaf ears. He couldn’t look at Seungmin, not when he was hacking at his ankle and soaked in his blood. Instead he forced himself to look upwards, begging to be delivered from his agony, but no one came to help. The bathroom ceiling just hung above him as it always had. This pain was otherworldly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dying would have been better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin stayed beside Hyunjin all afternoon while he vomited up the tequila that had been forced into his stomach. Seungmin let Hyunjin sleep in his bed that night even though his bloodied stump stained the bed sheets. Seungmin kissed Hyunjin’s lips goodnight despite the risk of infecting himself. Seungmin cradled Hyunjin’s head and sobbed apologies quietly into his hair when he thought he was asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin loved him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How is he doing?” Chan’s voice permeated past Hyunjin’s sleepy haze and awoke him early the next morning. He was having a whispered conversation with Seungmin, who was still keeping him nestled close to his chest. The steady drumming of Seungmin’s heartbeat was comforting. He didn’t want to interrupt them, so Hyunjin pretended to continue sleeping as they talked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think we did the right thing? Is he gonna pull through?” The uneasiness in Chan’s voice gave away the true intent of his question— </span>
  <em>
    <span>are we safe?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin seemed to have caught on as well, because Hyunjin could feel the way he tensed up ever so slightly. Chan was unsure if keeping him around would jeopardize their safety, which was understandable. Still, it hurt to not be trusted by one of his friends, even if it was over something out of his control. “I’ve been waking up every hour to check on him. He isn’t running a fever, or displaying any other symptoms… Chan, I really think he’s gonna be okay,” Seungmin insisted, but after years of having known him, Hyunjin could tell that he wasn’t speaking from a place of confidence. Seungmin’s hands trembled as they gently massaged Hyunjin’s scalp. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why was he telling Chan that he would be okay? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why was he lying?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It hasn’t even been 24 hours, the symptoms could still manifest,” Chan sighed, stubborn as ever. This stubbornness had gotten them this far, all alive and well, but now Hyunjin felt like it was putting him in jeopardy. “I still think we need to prepare. I know he means a lot to you, but we can’t risk the safety of everyone here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin nodded. He knew that Chan was right, his intuition hadn’t failed them yet, but it didn’t feel right to label Hyunjin as a threat. At least not yet. Seungmin had to give him a chance, even if it risked his well-being. Hyunjin was worth it, he always had been. “I’ll keep an eye on him, I promise. If anything happens, you’ll be the first to know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Promise me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I swear. I’ll watch him… I’ll stay right here by his side all day. Just watching.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chan looks convinced, so he lets his eyes linger on Hyunjin’s still form in the bed before turning to leave the room. “If he gets sick, just come find me. Or Changbin,” he says finally before disappearing into the hallway, “let him know I say ‘hey’ once he wakes up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Seungmin did just as he was told. Hyunjin didn’t blink his eyes open until the sun was high in the sky, almost noon. He was fed an assortment of painkillers for breakfast, none of which did anything other than upset his empty stomach. Everything hurt. His throat felt raw from the bile that burned its way up into his mouth the other day. The pain radiating from his severed ankle was excruciating. He could feel his own pulse throbbing from his skull, the beginnings of a migraine. Though he supposes he should be thankful to have a pulse at all. Despite his suffering, Hyunjin still found himself able to indulge in some crumbs of comfort here and there, like the coolness of Seungmin’s hands pressing against his forehead to check his temperature, or the gentle touch of Seungmin’s skillful fingers when he cleaned his wound and wrapped it in fresh layer of gauze. Hyunjin refused to watch as Seungmin treated him, he didn’t have a strong enough stomach to see what was left of his ankle. He just knew that if it looked a fraction of how bad it felt, he’d be sick at the sight. Watching the old bloodied wrappings falling to the floor was enough. More than enough. They were completely soaked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Chan wanted me to tell you that he says ‘hey’,” Seungmin guided them into the lull of conversation, hopefully enough of a distraction to ease his boyfriend’s discomfort. Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile a little bit at the effort. Seungmin was considerate. Seungmin loved him so much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey man,” he said simply. He wished that Chan was there to hear it himself, but Hyunjin supposed that he was off somewhere playing “save the world” with Changbin. The universe couldn’t just start revolving around him, no matter how much he thought it was deserved after everything he had been dealt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” Seungmin continued after a while, “can you rate your pain for me?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin actually did laugh at that. “Are you supposed to be my cute nurse?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin found himself grinning. At least Hyunjin was joking, he still hadn’t completely lost his sense of humor. This could be good for them. “Yes, and your cute nurse needs to know how you’re feeling in case I need to give you some more ibuprofen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The ibuprofen doesn’t do shit, Seungmin. It’s not morphine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, but it’s all we have.” Seungmin wished he could do more, he wished he had been able to attend medical school for more than a semester before the outbreak. Maybe if he had a little more knowledge, or had gotten to start his residency, Hyunjin wouldn’t be in so much pain. Seungmin had a hard time not blaming himself. “Can you rate your pain for me, please?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Twenty out of ten.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hyunjin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m being honest, it’s probably closer to thirty out of ten.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin fed him painkillers for lunch anyway. By the time dinner rolled around, Hyunjin saw someone besides his boyfriend for the first time since yesterday. Felix stood at his bedside holding a bowl of what must have been canned tomato soup, and the smell of it was nauseating. It must have been close to expiring, but food was food. He couldn’t afford to be picky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you…” Hyunjin took the bowl from Felix’s hands, noticing the way he flinched when their fingers brushed together. Felix’s eyes swam with something like a mix between fear and distrust. “Did everyone else eat already?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We… everyone’s downstairs eating now,” Felix replied, staring down at his feet the entire time he spoke. The corners of his lips twitched upwards into a half-smile that didn’t reach its usual brightness. Fake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin could have helped me come down. I know he doesn’t look it, but he’s actually pretty strong! If I could count how many times he’s carried me home after parties...” Hyunjin laughed high in his throat, but Felix wasn’t laughing at all. His eyes were still concentrated on the floor, like he was memorizing the ugly pattern of the rug beneath his feet. “You know, I haven’t seen you guys all day… I miss you,” Hyunjin tried again, “Is everybody scared of me now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No answer. Felix’s eyes continued studying the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Hyunjin even glanced down at it for a couple of seconds to see if he was missing something important. The silence shared between them was deafening. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Felix, are you scared of me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>More silence. Though this time, Felix was the one to break it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t... it’s not that I’m scared of </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I just…” Felix lifted his gaze and properly looked at Hyunjin for the first time since he entered the room, “You could be sick. You understand that, right?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sick, I feel fine—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For now! What if tomorrow is different?” Hyunjin almost wished that Felix hadn’t gathered the courage to look him in the eye. It looked like he was about to cry. It looked like he was angry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the hell did he have to be so angry about?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t lose more friends! Do you know how painful this is for me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin knew what Felix meant, deep down inside he understood where the worry was coming from. He’d witnessed firsthand how losing Jisung had fucked Felix up, how it scrambled his brain and left him an anxious mess. He’d been there when the night terrors drove Felix to tearing his hair out. He’d comforted him in the bathroom when the bouts of nausea hit, could still remember how Felix’s sweaty cheek stuck to the rim of the toilet. But still, he couldn’t help himself from feeling like it was all stemming from a selfish place. Why did this have to be about Felix losing a friend instead of Hyunjin losing his life?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how painful this is for </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>? How scary and awful and fucked up this is for </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Hyunjin felt something boil dangerously deep inside of him, “Don’t talk to me about pain, you don’t know shit about it! Do you know how it sounds to have your bone sawed through? How much it fucking hurts? How much it bleeds? Do you know how it feels to be treated like you’re already dead? To lose everyone you love and be forced to find a new family? I had no one, Felix! And now I don’t even have you! </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>pain!”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin wanted to devastate him. Felix didn’t deserve to feel pain, not when Hyunjin was hurting this much. Not when Felix hadn’t even experienced the definition of the word. It wasn’t fucking fair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Apparently, Felix didn’t care about whether the universe was treating Hyunjin fairly or not. He didn’t show him any sympathy, or express any remorse. Even pitying him would have been better than the glare Felix sent in Hyunjin’s direction. His lips were pursed into a tight line, like he was physically fighting back the words on his tongue. He probably was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a fucking competition,” Felix spoke stiffly, censoring himself from what he really wanted to say. Hyunjin found himself celebrating internally at that. At least he managed to piss him off. It felt good. “I don’t want to be mean, but can you please stay away from Chan?” Felix continued as he turned to leave, “He’s all I have left.” The door slammed behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes it was easy to forget. He might have seen Felix as a little brother, but Felix still had Chan. Felix was never alone, not like Hyunjin was. Maybe they weren’t family after all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He set the bowl on the nightstand and let the soup get cold. He wasn’t hungry anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin’s appetite didn’t return again after that. He soon discovered that the smell of all food was distinctly sickening— all grossly sulfuric in a way that left his stomach rolling with nausea. The taste was the same too, no matter what was brought up for him to eat. Cheese sandwiches tasted moldy. Canned fruit was too soft and rotten-tasting. The paranoia sunk into his brain and made him obsessive, Hyunjin was thoroughly convinced that his meals were being tampered with. They must have wanted him gone. It was dangerous to keep him around, he could be sick. He’d woken up shivering in a pool of his own sweat a few nights ago. Seungmin’s face didn’t change as he checked his temperature, remaining completely quiet when he kissed his forehead goodnight for the second time that evening and told him to go back to sleep. But Seungmin didn’t have to say a word for Hyunjin to understand. He knew what this meant. Had Seungmin told anyone? It was likely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His friends must have wanted him dead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get it the fuck away from me.” Changbin was standing there with lunch. Hyunjin had no idea what it could be, but the stench wafting from it was enough to turn him off from whatever it was. Changbin noticed the bowl of that morning’s breakfast sitting cold on the nightstand, unsurprised that it had gone uneaten. The oatmeal had developed a thin film on top, like it was preserving itself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to eat,” Changbin ignored Hyunjin’s protests and stepped forward anyway, “You’re wasting food. I’m gonna sit here and watch you eat it this time, no exceptions.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said to get it the fuck away from me!” Up this close, the smell was terrible. Whatever it was, it had to be spoiled. It had to be contaminated. What the fuck were they sneaking into his food? Poison? Medicine? Had Seungmin put them up to this?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to eat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That smell. It was revolting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hyunjin, please. You need to eat something, I’m worried about you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re just trying to kill me!” Hyunjin cried, backing away from Changbin as far as he could without falling off of the bed. Still, even from this distance, the smell of his lunch was making him physically sick. He could see the contents of his meal sloshing around in the bowl: small chunks of orange and gray floating in a yellow broth. It was just chicken noodle soup, so why did it smell so bad? “What the hell are you guys feeding me?!” Hyunjin demanded, but the shakiness in his voice betrayed him. It felt like he couldn’t trust anyone, like his friends were out to get him. Hyunjin was terrified. “Why are you trying to kill me?!”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you...? </span>
  <em>
    <span>What?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Changbin looked lost, genuinely. “No one is trying to hurt you, what the hell are you talking about? Are you okay?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not fucking okay!”. Changbin was looking at him like he was insane. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing is in your food, I swear. Hyunjin, where is this even coming from?” Hyunjin wasn’t insane. Every disgusting thing he had been smelling and tasting was real. He wouldn’t just fabricate something like this. If it were up to him, he’d have woken up from this nightmare a long time ago. “Is your stomach feeling sensitive? You know that none of us would even </span>
  <em>
    <span>consider </span>
  </em>
  <span>hurting you, and if you don’t eat now you’re gonna wind up starving yourself! So please…”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You eat it then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Changbin still looked confused. “What?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eat it so I know you’re not lying,” Hyunjin spoke with conviction in spite of his tears. His shoulders may have been shaking but he kept his tone firm. “I’m not letting it near me until I see you swallow it yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hyunjin? What’s going on?” Seungmin’s voice came from the doorway where he stood in shock, and Hyunjin could also see Felix cowering from a safe distance behind him. He hadn’t seen him since their argument. Felix was never one to hold grudges, so he must have been avoiding him for a reason. He must have known, and if Felix knew, everyone else probably did too. Hyunjin felt his stomach churn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin… why are you letting them do this to me?” Hyunjin buried his face into his hands and finally began to sob. He remembered the time when he had gotten jumped by a gang of high schoolers on his way home one afternoon. They’d pressed the barrel of their gun to his head and ran off with the 35,000 won and student ID kept in his wallet. It was the most terrifying moment of his life, and even then he wasn’t this scared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin’s arms enveloped him and held him close. It was something familiar to cling to in his moment of panic. Hyunjin was grateful. Even embarrassingly on edge and distressed like this, Seungmin still found ways to love him. “Doing what to you? Jinnie, I can’t understand unless you give me some context.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to die… please don’t let them kill me!” He didn’t want to eat. He didn't want to ingest poison. He imagined the feeling of it burning through his digestive tract, melting and blistering all of his organs. Hyunjin couldn’t even comprehend the pain. He didn't want to die, not like that. Seungmin looked to Changbin for some clarification, but he only shook his head defensively.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was just trying to give him lunch,” Changbin looked at Seungmin with confusion in his eyes, almost accusatory. “Seungmin, what’s going on with him?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He hasn't been feeling well. I think his ankle might be getting infected," Seungmin explained, "I'll help you feed him."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin recalled what had happened earlier that day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was at that magical in-between time of half morning and half night. The grayness of early morning was glowing from the window, and Seungmin was at the foot of the bed tending to his ankle. The air smelled like fresh blood, and Hyunjin willed himself to go back to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin was only partially awake by the time he could feel the warm press of Seungmin's chapped lips against his calf. The new bandages felt snug and were already beginning to stain with red. They really needed to figure out a way to stop this bleeding soon. Hyunjin noticed his complexion was getting paler by the day. "It's healing up so well," he could feel the shape of each word where Seungmin's mouth was mumbling against the flesh on his leg, "Go back to sleep, okay? I love you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I love you," Hyunjin whispered back, not waking again until the heat from the afternoon sun left him overheated and kicking the blankets from his lower body. He could still feel the ghost of Seungmin's lips on his calf. Kissing him, loving him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin loved Hyunjin so much. He would do anything for him, even lie for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Please don't make me," Hyunjin's snot was soaking into the fabric of Seungmin's sweater, "Please don't make me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please—</span>
  </em>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly Changbin was straddling his lap, pinning his lower body to the bed. Seungmin's arms wrapped themselves around his chest and squeezed like a pair of snakes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get off of me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Changbin had a good grip on him now, using one hand to pry his mouth open and the other to hold the bowl of soup sludge. Hyunjin tried to wrestle out of his grasp, even tried to get up and stand on his bad foot. The weight he put on his mangled ankle had Hyunjin's mouth falling open in a groan while tears welled in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're hurting me!" Hyunjin screamed. Changbin's grip on his jaw was firm, painful. He lunged forward to bite him, but Seungmin held him back. Hyunjin could feel the wetness from where his tears had dampened Seungmin's sweater, could feel the stickiness of his own snot on the back of his neck. The previous comfort Hyunjin felt from Seungmin's warmth was gone now, instead replaced by a smothering feeling. He was sinking into it, suffocating in it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Seungmin, please get off!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin's fingers were pinching at his nostrils. Hyunjin felt his head being pulled back, his tears dripping upwards into his hairline. The ceiling of the bedroom was just like the one in the bathroom, high and white and looming. It was like he could feel the hard ceramic of the tub digging into his skull again. Hyunjin’s ankle throbbed. Changbin's hand forced his jaw open wide. He couldn't breathe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No! No, I don’t want to die! Get off! I don’t want to die!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Changbin poured the poison down his throat. It pooled in Hyunjin’s mouth, dripping from the corners of his lips and down his neck. He shook in Seungmin’s hold, refusing to swallow or breathe until his lungs felt like they were folding themselves inside out. Panicked, Hyunjin managed to lock eyes with Felix who was still frozen in the bedroom doorway. He choked and gurgled around the soup in his mouth, his stare intense in a desperate plea for help, but Felix just stood there and watched. He looked horrified. Disgusted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were small black spots dancing in his vision, and Hyunjin could barely register Seungmin’s words encouraging him to eat until finally, with a gasp, Hyunjin swallowed the broth. He belched, wet and sour, before Changbin tipped the bowl and fed him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That night, Hyunjin had a dream. His mouth tasted bitter, and his teeth felt soft and loose from where they sunk into his gums. His tongue looked green. The rotten taste wouldn’t leave his mouth no matter how much syrupy spit he swallowed. Felix looked down at him with the same piercing expression from earlier; Hyunjin remembered that ugly grimace and those loathsome eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see the way Felix looks at me.” Hyunjin’s been slurring his words lately. His speech is slow and awkward, but Seungmin is always patient with him. Everyone else has retired for the night, so now it’s just the two of them in their little bubble together. Hyunjin uses a clammy hand to wipe the drool from his face and moans again, “He hates me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Felix doesn’t hate you. He’s just scared.” Seungmin combed through his boyfriend’s sticky bangs with his fingers and frowned. Hyunjin was so sick. “You’re sweating so much, baby.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin, he hates me,” Hyunjin drawled on and buried the side of his face into the sweat-drenched fabric of his pillow. The cold dampness of it felt good against his cheek, so he burrowed deeper into it and sighed. Seungmin’s hands continued petting him, loving him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was incredible how he found ways to love Hyunjin even when he was in this disgusting state. Seungmin’s caresses down Hyunjin’s belly felt cool while he kissed his way up his neck. Was he burning up that badly?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think about Felix.” Seungmin was always good at distracting him, all it took was a few featherlight touches and suddenly it felt like almost all his worries about Felix were melting away. Almost. “Focus on me instead, think about how good I’m going to make you feel,” Seungmin grinned while he dipped his thumb into Hyunjin’s belly button, long fingers gliding across his sweaty skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin let out a shaky breath when he felt a hand worm its way into his underwear. Seungmin’s fingers felt amazing wrapped around his cock, stroking and squeezing in a familiar way that had him thrusting weakly into his boyfriend’s hand. Hyunjin was so out of it, so caught up in his own daze that he didn’t even know he was getting fucked until he felt Seungmin’s weight settling in his lap. “Fuck, Hyunjin. I missed this, it’s been so long,” Seungmin moaned high in his throat when he sat down on his cock, and it wasn’t before long that he had built a steady rhythm. Seungmin was right— it had been a long time since Hyunjin had felt him bouncing up and down and working his dick like this. There was something nostalgic about the feeling, something that compelled Hyunjin to move his hands and hold Seungmin’s hips just like he used to. They felt bony with a small bit of pudge accumulating near his waist, just as he remembered them. Seungmin was still perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” Seungmin whispered like it was a secret, and in a way it was. If anyone else knew the extent of his love for Hyunjin, they would’ve never placed the trust in him that they had. Hyunjin focused on the lines of Seungmin’s throat rather than the churning in his gut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you too,” Hyunjin whimpered quietly, content in yielding to Seungmin’s movements and remaining pliant beneath him. He wouldn’t last much longer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you more than anything, no matter what happens.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No matter what happens. I’ll just keep loving you,” Seungmin ground down slowly on his cock. “And loving you,” his insides fluttered before clenching down even harder, “and loving you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin was halfway to unconsciousness by the time Seungmin was lifting himself off of his now softened dick, barely registering the drag of wet cloth washing away their mess. Still, no matter how much Seungmin cleaned him, Hyunjin just felt dirty and disgusting inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The adrenaline-endorphin slurry that was rushing through his veins began to dissipate, and soon he became aware of his ankle throbbing again. The two of them curled into each other, and Seungmin clung to Hyunjin’s body despite how sticky it was. Time passed. Seungmin was petting his hair and his lips were making the shapes of words against Hyunjin’s skin again. He didn’t hear a single word, but he could feel them taking shape from where Seungmin was mumbling into his neck. “Don’t leave me alone here, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin was fast asleep before he could make the promise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he woke up the next morning, Seungmin’s spot on the bed was empty and cold. Another day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The force feedings hadn’t stopped, eventually becoming a constant in Hyunjin’s daily routine. Seungmin would pin him down, Changbin would stuff sour food down his throat, and Hyunjin would choke around it. Every feeding session ended with him gagging into the toilet and Seungmin by his side, stroking a hand up and down his spine while he shivered violently on the bathroom tile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Life went on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Felix always seemed to be watching him these days, observing him like a monster confined to a cage, like he was something sub-human. He wondered why Felix was so obsessed with hating him, whether it was out of fear or out of a need to protect his brother. That made the most sense, was the least painful excuse, so Hyunjin decided to believe it. Chan was bright— their strong-headed but capable leader. Chan was the kind of person who needed protecting. The contrast between the two of them, one cherished and the other feared, made Hyunjin start to despise himself. The grayer his skin got and the colder Felix’s stares became, the less he felt like someone who needed protecting. Or loving. Or saving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You told me that you’d let me know if anything happened.” Chan thought that he was napping in Seungmin’s arms again, but Hyunjin truthfully hadn’t been able to sleep for a long time now. Everything was changing. The insomnia left him confused and irritable. He was too sick and disoriented to do anything but fester in bed. He began garbling his words together into incomprehensible sentences. Of course Chan had noticed; Hyunjin was barely himself anymore. “You promised that I’d be the first to know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin remained quiet and continued loving him silently. Hyunjin didn’t feel like he deserved it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re all going to talk about this,” Chan’s voice was firm, “We need to make a decision about him soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Life continued like this, it was a cruel cycle of the same sadness and the same pain. But one day, Hyunjin woke up and experienced something different. For the first time in weeks, his stomach growled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Seungmin?” Hyunjin’s voice was groggy, his words lisped, “So hungry.” He was more than just hungry. He was starving. Empty. Consumed with the need to devour and digest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can go get him.” Changbin didn’t act the same around him anymore. He was becoming more like Felix: withdrawn, suspicious. He was all too quick to exit the room, leaving Hyunjin alone in his mess of sweaty blankets.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Baby?” Suddenly Seungmin was there, his voice piercing through the silence. “What’s wrong? Are you hurting?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So hungry,” Hyunjin sobbed, overwhelmed but relieved. Seungmin was here now. Seungmin would feed him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His lunch tasted just as disgusting as it always had, the beans and rice Seungmin had brought him were slimy and suspended in a viscous gravy. Still, he scarfed it all down quickly. Hyunjin’s stomach bubbled around the slop he had just ingested, but more intense than the nausea was his profound, insatiable hunger. It was all-encompassing, all-consuming.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your appetite is coming back!” Seungmin must have thought that this was a sign of him finally getting better, but Hyunjin had never felt worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More,” Hyunjin begged while he licked his plate clean, “Please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He greedily devoured everything that Seungmin had brought him, fighting against the feeling of lumps of putrid mush sliding down into his belly in favor of scarfing down more food. He couldn’t stop eating even if he wanted to. Breathing, modesty, self-control— it all came secondary to the binge. The more he put away, the sicker he felt and the shakier his hands became. When his fingers became too feeble to hold his spoon, he resorted to eating with his hands. And when his stomach’s protesting finally forced his hands to a stop, Hyunjin slowly crawled his way into the bathroom and shut himself inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All the food he had stuffed down his throat to quell his hunger pains was desperately trying to force its way back out. Hyunjin still felt so empty, so ravenous. He clapped his hands over his mouth and tried to swallow it all back down again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But his attempt was futile. Hyunjin’s stomach suddenly lurched, his esophagus spasmed, and soon his lunch was splattering itself all over the floor in a foul-smelling puddle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… no!” he cried, scooping up the undigested chunks of food and shoving them back into his mouth. It tasted so much worse than the first time he had eaten it, but none of that stopped him from continuing to reingest the vomit dripping from his fingers. Seungmin found him there not too much later, kneeling on the floor in his own puke, and brought him back to bed. They didn’t talk about it, didn’t mention it, didn’t acknowledge it ever again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin assumed that meant Seungmin wanted to forget that anything had happened, so when he felt his boyfriend’s tears wetting his sleeve while weeping silently that night, Hyunjin didn’t bring it up in the morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nonetheless, Hyunjin was getting desperate. His appetite was fierce, leaving him chewing on his fingers in every waking moment he spent not eating. This hunger was vicious. It was what drove him out of bed in the middle of the night, what led him to limping down the hall and into the pantry. He gnawed on cans, slicing apart the flesh on his lips on the jagged edges of metal while he slurped down the contents. He was so hyper-focused on his feeding, so busy ripping open cans of fruit with his teeth that he hadn’t noticed that he was no longer alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you doing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin should have expected Felix to be there. He was always watching, after all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your mouth is bleeding! What the hell!?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin slobbered fat globs of bloody half-chewed mandarin oranges all over his pajama pants, his mouth hanging wide open while he stared up at Felix. He was a mess. A revolting, unsightly, self-mutilated mess. “Help me…” he pleaded, eyes glassy and hazy, “Help…help…”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re scaring the shit out of me!” Felix shook his head and took a few steps backwards away from the pantry. Away from Hyunjin. He hadn’t even realized that he was crying until he tasted the tears that had fallen onto his bottom lip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lix… help…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then Hyunjin was alone again. Felix had bolted somewhere around the corner, presumably back up to his bedroom where he remained for the rest of the night. When Hyunjin staggered back out into the kitchen after his binge, the full glass of water sitting on the countertop didn’t go unnoticed. He felt bad that Felix had gone back to bed thirsty because of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin began deteriorating quickly after that. He didn’t speak, didn’t get up, didn’t move. He spent his days sweating in bed, delirious and groaning to himself. Seungmin still rewrapped his ankle every day, still told him he loved him, still asked him how he was feeling and inquired about his day even though he never got a response back. It provided an illusion of normalcy, though it wouldn’t last long.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Baby?” Waking up to routinely check on Hyunjin throughout the night had turned Seungmin into quite the light sleeper, so he was easily woken up one evening to what he first thought was his boyfriend moaning in pain. Hyunjin’s back was turned to him, and he was curled in on himself, “Hyunjin…?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin’s side of the bed was soaked with blood. His teeth had sunk deep into the meat of his forearm. He was tearing off bite-sized chunks of his own flesh and swallowing them down quickly. Seungmin screamed and fell out of bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He landed against a pair of legs that were standing at his bedside. The legs stumbled backwards upon the impact, letting Seungmin’s head fall onto the carpeted floor while he stared up at the face of the intruder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Felix?” Seungmin startled, “What are you—?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was then that he noticed it: a wooden handle clasped tightly in Felix’s hands and a glinting pointed edge. A knife.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was growling in his sleep,” Felix’s eyes were bloodshot. There were stains of dried tears all over his cheeks like he had been crying for a while, like he had been standing there for a while. Was he watching them sleep? “He asked me to help him, but… but how could I—? When he’s already like this, I… I don’t… ”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin inched himself into a corner, leaning his back against the waste bin that was starting to overflow with crusted, bloodied gauze. He could feel his heartbeat drumming in his skull and the bedroom walls tilting around him. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from his boyfriend. The sight was horrible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m getting Chan,” Seungmin could still hear the grotesque sounds of Hyunjin ripping into his own flesh from across the room, “a-and… and Changbin. Give me the knife.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Felix stayed put and shook his head, his grip on the knife seeming to get tighter. “I’m scared, Seungmin. He’s going to kill us!” he croaked, “I don’t want us to die!”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, give me the knife.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Felix was shaking where he stood. “But what if he—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” Felix and Seungmin both looked to the doorway where the voice was coming from. It was Chan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neither of them had to explain. The moment his eyes landed on Hyunjin, Chan was tensing up and gesturing wildly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Out of the room!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As per Chan’s orders, they blocked the door with the first pieces of furniture they could grab: the nightstand from Felix’s room, a cabinet from the bathroom, a decorative chair from the hallway. Hyunjin seemed undisturbed from the other side of the barricade, Seungmin had his ear pressed up against the wall and could still hear him breathing heavily and mutilating his arm. it was like he had no clue what was going on around him. It broke Seungmin’s heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to talk about what we’re going to do with Hyunjin,” Chan began. They were all congregated in the hallway outside of Hyunjin’s room, Felix cradled at Chan’s side and Changbin bouncing his leg up and down to try and shake off his drowsiness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have to kick him out,” Changbin suggested with his head hanging low, his voice coming out grumbled and thick with sleep. The silence that followed was uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin looked at Changbin, trying to gage how serious he was with his proposal, but Changbin barely shifted beneath the intense glare and kept his eyes casted downward. “Are you serious?” Seungmin turned to Chan and Felix when Changbin refused to meet his gaze, but the two of them looked just as convinced, “We can’t just abandon him!”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I agree with Changbin,” Felix decides to pipe up, though his voice sounds small, “He can’t stay here. He’s going to kill us if he does.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean kill us? You were the one trying to kill </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Seungmin shot Felix a menacing look. He had never felt so betrayed. Felix was tucked underneath Chan’s arm and being coddled as if he didn’t just try to kill Hyunjin in his sleep. “If anyone should be kicked out, it should be you!”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re not doing that, Seungmin.” Chan again. His voice was starting to piss him off. Seungmin chose to ignore him and pressed on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is no one hearing what I’m saying? What would have happened if I hadn’t woken up? Or were you planning on killing me too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Felix winced and grew quiet. All eyes were on him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Felix,” Changbin spoke up again for the first time since the conversation started, “did you—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sleep with him every night,” Felix cut in, and his tone was bitter in a way that it never had been before, “There could be a chance… that you could also…”. He didn’t finish his sentence. He could feel Seungmin’s eyes boring into him, judging him. Choking him. Hating him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s enough,” Chan looked tired as he spoke through the tension in the air, “Hyunjin is out tonight. We’ll solve everything else in the morning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just like that? You’re going to turn your back on him like he hasn’t been with us since the beginning? Like he’s nothing?” Seungmin couldn’t look at them. He heard Felix sniffle and almost wanted to laugh. Felix didn’t deserve to cry over Hyunjin now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t act like you’re the only person who loves him,” Changbin looked upset, but Seungmin wasn’t going to forgive him so easily, “Hyunjin is like family to me, but he’s putting us all in danger. We shouldn’t wait until he starts acting hostile to do something, we can’t be that careless.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin balled his hands into tight fists and exhaled slowly. His fingernails were beginning to painfully pierce the skin on his palms, but it served as a distraction to calm him down. There was nothing he could do to convince them. They all hated Hyunjin. Their minds were made up. So, hesitantly, Seungmin nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me do it. I want to be the one to let him go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Changbin’s face was painted with concern and Chan looked unsure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin tried again, “I’ll be careful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Seungmin…” Changbin pinched his eyebrows together in uncertainty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Changbin and Chan had a silent conversation with their eyes before seeming to come to a conclusion. Chan finally sighed and nodded, “Okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them promised to stay awake until Seungmin would come back. They helped him unbarricade the bedroom door and watched anxiously as Hyunjin had his arm slowly pried away from his mouth. The snarl he let out was unsettling, but Seungmin only strokes his hair affectionately while shushing him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, I got you Jinnie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin’s eyes are half foggy and half lost, but the way his fingers knot themselves into the fabric of the younger’s nightshirt has Seungmin feeling delighted. He may be wasting away, but this is still his Hyunjin. “Recognize me baby?” Seungmin coos, and Hyunjin just dumbly clings to him in response, “I’m going to help you up now, so don’t be scared.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He bunches up the last bit of gauze to stuff into Hyunjin’s mouth, and Hyunjin chews on it mindlessly as he’s carried down the stairs. There’s some drops of bloody drool dribbling onto the shoulder of Seungmin’s shirt, but he ignores it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s rays of early morning sunlight seeping through the crack beneath the front door, and there’s something about it that feels inviting. It will be daybreak soon, another day is coming. He could let Hyunjin go on the dawn on a new day, knows that he should, but he can’t. He looks behind himself and stares at the spot at top of the stairs for a few seconds before he deems them to be completely alone. Quietly, Seungmin steps away from the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The basement didn’t really have a function. It was grossly humid down there and always dark. Seungmin was surprised that the door didn’t creak when he swung it open; no one ever ventured down there after all. They didn’t have any reason to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The basement was perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, but this is the best I can do for now.” Hyunjin was laid out on a dusty-smelling tarp that Seungmin had found tucked away beside a tool chest. There wasn’t much to work with down there in terms of makeshift bedding, and he felt a little guilty that Hyunjin’s first night down there would undoubtedly be an uncomfortable one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll have to stay here until I can figure out something else for you, okay baby?” Seungmin whispered and kissed his cheek, “I love you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin’s eyes rolled into the back of his skull and moaned quietly. Seungmin took it as an ’I love you too’.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sunrise. Chan and Changbin held Seungmin close once he returned. They reassured him that he had done the right thing, had done what was best, and that they would stick by his side forever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I lost my boyfriend too,” Chan recounted while he sat on the side of the bed that used to be Hyunjin’s, “I know how you feel. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin didn’t feel the least bit comforted, but he nodded along anyway. “It feels good to not be alone in this,” he lied, “Thank you, Chan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone moved on. Chan and Changbin were always out, always scavenging. Felix had made himself scarce around the house, not wanting to run into Seungmin as long as he could help it. It made his trips down to the basement easier.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin had remained docile for a long time. He let Seungmin love on him just like always, and he only ever got agitated when he wasn’t gnawing on or swallowing something. The solution had been simple at first, Seungmin had been able to provide an abundance of improvised oral sensory tools: taped up bundles of old cloth, detached rubber handles of utensils from the kitchen, small fragments of chicken bone leftover from meals. But soon, the aids weren’t enough. Hyunjin was getting bitey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin did all he could to keep himself safe in the beginning. He tied Hyunjin to the handrail of the basement stairs. He made sure to constantly feed him and constantly keep his mouth occupied. But Hyunjin still nipped and snapped at him constantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin tried to convince himself that he had already exhausted all of his options, and that he wouldn’t be doing this if there was anything left for him to attempt. He cradled Hyunjin’s head in his lap and clamped the jaws of the wrench around his boyfriend’s front tooth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin wasn’t the problem. Hyunjin’s teeth were the problem.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t hate me,” Seungmin prayed quietly as he readjusted his grip on the wrench. He yanked hard and cringed. Hyunjin made a strangled noise from around the gag he had stuffed behind his tongue, his eyes unfocused and lids fluttering. Seungmin couldn’t remember the exact number of teeth that were in a human adult, so he decided to count them all as he extracted each one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thirty-two. Seungmin counted and recounted every single tooth that now lay scattered on the basement floor. Thirty-two beautiful teeth to keep and treasure. They were so pretty, like perfect little white rocks to slip into your pocket after finding them at the beach. Hyunjin’s maw was empty and bloody, but he made no attempt to bite Seungmin ever again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His gums don’t heal. The spots where his teeth used to be look like little gummy pockets, and Seungmin fawns over them endlessly. Kissing Hyunjin was something he hadn’t been able to indulge in for a long time, so Seungmin feels everything start to fall into place again when he brings their lips together. Hyunjin tasted so different, a little sour and a little rotten, but Seungmin doesn’t care. He works their mouths together sloppily and wipes the mess of spit that begins sliding down his boyfriend’s chin. It’s consistency is teetering on glue-like with how mucousy it is, and now Seungmin’s tongue is getting absolutely coated in it, but he didn’t care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He licks past Hyunjin’s lips and swallows the drool that pools in his mouth. Seungmin dips his tongue into all thirty-two gaps, not pulling away until he has shown each cavity a little bit of love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, baby.” Loving on Hyunjin was addicting. Seungmin rarely had the restraint to stop at just kissing him, his mouth always finding its way to his jawline, then lower to his neck, then lower and lower. Getting intimate with Hyunjin was addicting as well. The slide of Seungmin’s dick inside his mouth always felt incredible, all gummy and warm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rolls his hips slowly, and Hyunjin emits a raspy choking noise around his cock that makes him shudder. “You like that?” Seungmin bites his bottom lip and grins, starting to thrust shallowly, “You think I forgot how much you used to love this?”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was their new normal. It becomes routine, and Seungmin starts to get a little careless. He makes trips down to the basement more often, sometimes even when Chan and Changbin are home. They begin to take notice when things go missing here and there. But they never question him about it, they have no reason to. At least that’s what Seungmin thinks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you always going down to the basement?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s dinnertime, and Changbin is addressing him over a bowl of canned chicken noodle soup. Seungmin pushes the chunks of meat around with his spoon and smashes the small cubes of carrot against the side of the bowl. It reminds him of Hyunjin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Seungmin stops playing with his food momentarily to watch Changbin eat from across the table, “I admit I go down there sometimes, but not often. Why do you ask?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We never go down there, and ever since Hyunjin left…” Changbin trailed off and swallowed another spoonful of his dinner, deciding to just leave it at that. Bringing up Hyunjin was still a sensitive point of discussion. “I’m just concerned about you,” Changbin finally finished and offered a tiny smile, “You can talk to us about anything, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got it,” Seungmin smiled back and resumed smashing the carrots in his soup.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No secrets?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“None.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Promise?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Promise. I’m fine,” Seungmin laughed and nodded, “Thanks for your concern.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It should have been dropped after that. He was good at playing the part of someone who was mourning, or so he thought. Only a few days had passed since their dinner table discussion and Seungmin was making another retreat down to the basement. Hyunjin was behaving so well these days, never gnawing his gums on the rope that restrained him like he used to and always keeping quiet whenever Seungmin fucked him. When he pulled open the basement door, he expected to see Hyunjin where he always was: sprawled out on the floor not too far from the banister he was tied up to. What he didn’t expect was to find Chan hovering by Hyunjin’s side with a look of horror on his face. Seungmin stayed frozen at the top of the staircase, breath catching in his throat when they made eye contact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Where are his teeth?” Chan asked almost inaudibly, “Where the fuck are his teeth, Seungmin?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had never seen Chan so disturbed before. Seungmin was still unable to move, unable to speak, unable to defend himself. Hyunjin groaned from where he was laying at Chan’s feet and blinked slowly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long has he been down here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin didn’t say a word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Has he been here the whole time?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin’s moaning was the only thing filling the silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck?” Chan was getting pissed. He was pacing in the basement’s darkness, occasionally looking down to take in Hyunjin’s pathetic state. He was simply unrecognizable. “Oh my God, I can’t even look at him. How could you just—? How does this happen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been taking care of him.” Seungmin could barely stutter out his words once he had finally found his voice, “I… h-he likes it here, I take really good care of him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not taking care of shit! He isn’t shit! Do you not see what I’m seeing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin stayed quiet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is a corpse, you know that?” Chan went on, climbing up the stairs two at a time, “It’s sick! You— You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>sick</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Seungmin! We could have helped you!”. Now that he had emerged from the basement’s shadows and came into the light, Seungmin could clearly see how shaken up Chan had gotten. He dragged the palms of his hands up and down his thighs in a frenzy, almost panicked. It was the first time Seungmin had seen him properly cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell Felix to stay upstairs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chan and Changbin had lugged Hyunjin out of the basement that same day. Chan couldn’t stop remarking about how sick Seungmin was, how fucked Hyunjin looked. He didn’t want Felix to see this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t take him,” Seungmin had begged. Hyunjin didn’t need to be dumped and abandoned, he needed loving. Seungmin wasn’t ready to stop loving Hyunjin yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until the sky turned orange and the sun had sunken into the horizon that Chan and Changbin returned. It was a quiet evening in the house. Dinner was eaten in silence. No one said goodnight. The end of another day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin slept on Hyunjin’s old side of the bed that night, tangling himself up in the sheets Hyunjin had sweat in and nestling into the pillow Hyunjin had drooled on. He missed his voice, his taste, his touch, his smell. He missed wrapping his ankle and cleaning up his vomit from the carpet. He missed loving him. Seungmin had to find him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The house was asleep. The floor groaned beneath Seungmin’s feet while he snuck downstairs, like the floorboards themselves were snoring. He rounded the corner and stalked down the hallway, readjusting the strap of his bag. He only cared to bring the essentials: a heavier coat, a few cans of food, a tissue holding some of Hyunjin’s teeth. On his way to the front door, Seungmin spotted a figure watching him from the kitchen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Felix. They didn’t say a word to each other, they didn’t have to. Felix saw the backpack hanging off Seungmin’s shoulder and knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going,” he said simply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Felix whispered into his glass of water and watched Seungmin go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door closed quietly behind him, and not a creature stirred from their sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dawn of a new day. Chan and Changbin had gone to gather more supplies early that morning. Felix had watched them disappear off the property just like he always did. He went about his day like normal. When the two of them returned, it was dinnertime.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you call for Seungmin please?” Changbin frowned, “I’m worried about him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I already did,” Chan sighed over his meal, “He’ll come down eventually, when he’s ready.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin never came down for dinner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin was never seen again.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Feedback is always appreciated :-)</p><p>Twitter: @filthyracha<br/>CuriousCat: gyungmi</p></blockquote></div></div>
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